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Monday, August 31, 2009

Ramblerererer

Did you miss me? Since you are probably shaking your head yes, I'll go ahead and say thanks. I missed writing and posting pics of my silly little munchkins.

I know it's been a while since I posted. I love to blog. Really, I do! Infact over the past few days, I've missed it. But lately I have been sort of blue. Maybe you could say just ran down. I didn't feel that it was productive to write anything while in such a down mood. It probably would have been reflected in my writing and that wouldn't have been any fun to read.

So, lets just jump right in with some catch-up and let my ramblings begin!

I first want to say that Rusty and I officially signed up to sale my "creations" on ETSY! I am so excited. I am going to take some (hopefully) beautiful pics of my items and post them so that I can open my shop. So, I guess in a very small way, I am now a small business owner. A dream of mine for a very long time!

I took my crosses to a little Harvest Festival thingy that a church was having and sold only one. Boooo, but no one else sold anything either and there was a lot of cool stuff there. I guess it was a bad time. I did donate one for a raffle and gave them my card, so maybe that is a seed planted for some one to see it and say, "where did you get that?" and then they can say "oh, here's her card..email her and ask about them". And then I can become a millionaire and retire early. Umm, yeah right. Anyway, I got orders for four other crosses and am excited to get them made and delivered. I am going to find as many outlets as possible to sale my stuff, so hopefully I can get the ball rolling.

On to mi familia:
Hannah is doing very well. She's having the normal (I am assuming) discipline problems that come with being almost 10. Back talking and being hurtful to her little sister are a daily occurrence. We deal with it. Maybe not always the best we could, but we are always learning.

It's amazing to me at how different your discipline has to be with each child and at the same time, make sure it's a fair punishment. In other words, if they do the same thing, do I discipline them the exact same way? I have tried this, but it doesn't seem to be working. We are having to be very creative.

Anyway, back to Hannah. She loves all things ooey, gooey, and gross! I think it's only because a.)Mallorie doesn't and b.) some older kids that she really looks up to like it. I'm trying to be open to what she likes....within limitation! She really loves the idea of dressing up as a witch, devil, or goblin for Halloween. We do not! While we don't believe Halloween is a day celebrating Satan or witchcraft, we don't think it is okay to dress up to pretend to be one of these things.

She wants to color her hair black and wear only black clothes. I say "heck-to-tha-NO!!". First off, how many millions of dollars do women pay yearly to have their hair colored even remotely close to the beautiful blond color that Hannah has? Ugh, if only she could understand how pretty she is!!

In writing this, I realise if I don't give a little, then she's going to REBEL in a bad way! We do allow her to wear clothes that she chooses, as long as they aren't representative of a hooker (aka:most of the teen pop stars popular now) or an emo kid (aka:skinny, skinny jeans, bangs in eyes, black all over, with bad attitudes) or a boy (aka:"Mommy, I want to cut my hair over my ears and have it shaved in the back" WHAT???gross!!). I totally had that haircut in elementary school. Never. Again. I got asked if I was a boy All The Time!

Okay, about Hannah again. We do this every week. She wants to be considered "cool", I want her to just get through the next 8 years without trying to worry about being cool. See how this isn't working in my favor!? So, what I've been attempting to do is build her self confidence to a level that she won't worry about being cool. I am NOT going to lie and say that I am doing a fantastic job of this. I mess up continuously. But my main objective is to make sure she has a warm, loving home for her to find solace and protection in, two parents that love and think highly of her and a home where Christ is the center and base. When I said we mess up and miss the mark a lot...I meant it!

Maybe that's all we can do?! I don't know. It seems that the older they are getting, the more lost I feel. I know what they are thinking and what they are most likely going to do next, but do I stop them from messing up? Or, do I let them fail so that they can learn to pick themselves up in the future. For example: Hannah has LOST her clarinet. The clarinet that we rented from the music store. At this point we are pretty sure that she left it at the school last year, but since the office has been closed we haven't been able to check. Anyway, my point is. How do you discipline in this type of situation. She knows we are upset. She knows it going to cost Mom and Dad a lot of money, but I don't think she truly grasps the full effect of the situation. So aggravating. And just one of the daily things we as mommy and daddies get to deal with.

Wow, when did this post turn into all that? I guess you can tell I'm a bit frazzled as of late with my kiddos. Don't get me wrong, I adore them. Love them more than I can bare, and yet get so frustrated with them that I could scream. I guess that's probably how God feels about us a lot of the time.His love for us is unshakable, unbreakable, but we constantly rebel and disobey. Well, I do anyway. I can't say for sure about anyone else, but considering we all fall short of the Glory of God, it's a safe assumption. I was talking to Rusty this evening about our Mayday ministry and what topic and activity we wanted to do for our next meeting. We got off topic, as usual, and instead started talking about prayer. He says that he is afraid to pray to ask God to use us fully because he is afraid God will answer him that we are going to be staying out here even longer. I figure, whether he asks God or not, God is going to do what He wants with our lives and that he might as well go ahead and ask it. Who knows, maybe God has something else up His sleeve. I know in my heart that God does know my heart and Rusty's heart. He sees how sad we are that we aren't getting share our lives with our family and live in a place where we feel "safe".

Why are we still here? I don't know. But I do know that God has kept us safe and has forged a way for us to see our families several times a year. No, it's not monthly or weekly like we'd love, but we get to see them more often than you'd think. That also brings up finances. If you've ever visited California, you know that it's pretty ridiculous how much people pay to live here. That said, we are always taken care of and provided a way to get what we need. Also, when we invite everyone here for our ministry, there is always plenty of food and we have not hurt financially because of this. I know that is a God thing. It's definitely not a Rusty and Sarah thing, because used to, we couldn't hold onto a dollar for anything. But, see how God must be watching us with his hands rubbing his temples or shaking his head in disbelief that we would even question His motives. His motives always lead to good. Our motives always...ALWAYS...don't. He lets us mess up so that we learn, but it is so hard to let go of that control and let my children mess up. I want to hold their hands continuously. To wipe up their spills, but I can't.

See, I told you it was a blog for me to hear/read myself. I don't know why I am sharing this, but I do know it's pouring out of me. Maybe it's just to make my feel better about our situation. It's not horrible and we don't live in the ghetto, but coming from a small town to this HUGE city, I am always on edge.

Okay, so if you are still reading this, sorry. I wasn't trying to be preachy. Just had something on my chest and I had to write it out to work it out. You know what I mean?

School for us is a mere week and half away. I don't think I am ready. Can they give me one more week? Mallorie is scared to death to start third grade. I hate to be negative, but I am scared for her too. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's because I've always looked at her as my baby, but onward she goes. There is no looking back and I know she'll be okay. It's not as if I'm not around the school all the time anyway, and there to walk them in and pick them up everyday. Sheesh, I might as well get a job there. I enjoy it though and wouldn't trade it for anything. They are my favorite people and the two of the three creations I am most proud of. Ava being number three for those of you wondering what the third was.

I really didn't mean for this whole post to be about Hannah and her issues as of late. That's just what it turned in to. She is a wonderful little girl and the spunk to our rather boring lives.

I'm sleepy and haven't been sleeping well as of late. So I guess I should wrap up this rambling post. I hope you have a wonderful Monday and your week flies by smoothly.
Blessings!!

2 comments:

mandijo said...

Wow Sarah. I always enjoy reading what you guys are up to but this one was just so REAL. I can't even imagine what it is going to be like when our girls are older but I'm sure I will have all of the same feelings you are. Being a parent is definitely one tough job but the rewards are amazing!!! I am reading an amazing book right now called In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson and it is definitely a life changer. I had my highlighter out before I got done with the 1st page!! I think you can read the first chapter online. And our pastor, Ed Young, wrote a great parenting book called Kid CEO. But it looks like you and Rusty are doing a GREAT job with your girls. And I am with you on it being so hard being away from your family. My parents are in the Philippenes for 3 years and its so hard!!
Take Care!! And hang in there. You may have no idea where you next move should be but God already has the next
200 million moves for you planned out. Wow so my comment got LONG!! HA!

Oh and Jordan started a new faith based blog. Check it out sometime. www.thegoododays.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Okay...I have looked up all the names I could think of for your link on ETSY...Help. Any hints?
Love MOM